My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
