if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
