I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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