he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Boobs are out for the taking
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
