Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
