How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
