just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
