glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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