Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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