if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
