all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
