bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
