her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
