that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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