I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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