have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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