Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
