Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
