No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
