I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
