its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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