saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
