Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
