the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
