Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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