If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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