don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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