We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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