I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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