Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
