just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
