someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
