dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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