Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
