he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
