is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
