when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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