you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Randomize
