I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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