i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
