margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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