the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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