Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
