theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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