dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
