And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
high people should be assigned attendants
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
