we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
