An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Randomize
