Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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