jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
