Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
