why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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